I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I realized who was telling me that.

Your brain is mostly decorative.

I don't always eat healthy, but when I do, it's because someone's watching.

Your brain skipped the tutorial.

My idea of sharing is telling you about the thing I did, in great detail, twice.

Sibling rule number one: if I can't have it, technically neither can you.

You have something on your mind. It looks lonely.

You have something on your chin. No, the third one down.

You have a remarkable talent for missing the point.

A good partner is someone who lets you win the argument you were never actually going to win anyway.

Sloths move slowly because moving fast burns calories, and also because they've simply given up, which is relatable.

Your brain operates strictly on a need-not-know basis.