The good news is I finally quit drinking. The bad news is it was because I ran out.

Some days I have my emotions under control. Today is not one of those days, but thank you for asking.

You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you’re definitely making noise.

You’re proof that confidence doesn’t require competence.

Growth is realizing your feelings are valid, then choosing to ignore them anyway.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I don't meal prep. I just stand in front of the fridge until inspiration or hunger wins.

Your brain has left the chat.

You don’t jump to conclusions. You teleport.

Your logic took a wrong turn several opinions ago.

Your brain is buffering between bad ideas.

I've mastered the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing productive.