Every job has a 'that guy' who replies-all to say 'thanks' to fifty people.

Your brain needs a factory reset.

Nothing says 'we're close' like sharing a single charger cable and fighting over it daily.

Your brain has 47 tabs open. None are responding.

Turtles can breathe through their butts. Somehow still less full of hot air than most group chats.

My work-life balance is mostly just work, occasionally interrupted by sleep.

You’re not stupid. You’re just aggressively uninformed.

I'm not a picky eater, I just have very strong, very specific opinions about everything I put in my mouth.

The bravest thing anyone does at work is reply-all with 'noted.'

Cats knock things off tables not out of malice, but to remind you that gravity still works and so does their contempt for you.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Wolves howl to communicate with the pack. Humans just send a meme and hope for the best.