You're like a broken pencil — pointless.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department usually uses water.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

You have delusions of adequacy.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Your effort is an inspiration. To do better.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Everything is edible. Some things are only edible once.

For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.