Relationship

Relationships are 50/50, unless you count who actually remembers the anniversary, then it's more like 90/10.

In every relationship, there's a designated 'finder of things,' and it's never the person who lost them.

I know my partner loves me because they still text back after I send fourteen memes in a row.

We don't fight, we just have really passionate disagreements about whose turn it is to take out the trash.

Love is sharing your fries and immediately regretting it.

A good partner is someone who lets you win the argument you were never actually going to win anyway.

In-laws are proof that even family comes with terms and conditions.

My partner and I have great communication. We both ignore the same problems equally.

We've been together so long we finish each other's sentences, mostly with 'I told you so.'

The secret to a long relationship is separate blankets and selective hearing.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.