Food

My diet plan is 'see food, then reconsider everything,' and it's not working.

I ordered a salad once. It was a cry for help that no one answered.

I don't meal prep. I just stand in front of the fridge until inspiration or hunger wins.

I don't always eat healthy, but when I do, it's because someone's watching.

My relationship with vegetables is complicated. We're on a break.

I treat leftovers the way I treat responsibilities: I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Coffee: because adulting is hard and mornings are a scam.

I'm not a picky eater, I just have very strong, very specific opinions about everything I put in my mouth.

My cooking is so bad, the smoke alarm is basically a dinner bell at this point.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I don't skip meals. I just have really long gaps of forgetting to eat and then eating everything at once.

My favorite exercise is a round trip to the fridge.