snarky.lol

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.